..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
