he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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