so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
