what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize