You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize