Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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