I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
