non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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