I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
