honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
