I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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