My Higher Power is John Stamos
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
why is half of my head shaved?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
