Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
