call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
