the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize