I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
