We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
