What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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