happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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