Sry I called you an 8
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
