just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
