Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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