I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
