We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
