is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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