we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
