Banned from zoo.
Again?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Vodka?
Forever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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