I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
