Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
