Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
