I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
