I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
