It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
