Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
