You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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