im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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