Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
