I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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