she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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