it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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