I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
