so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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