Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
