just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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