Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
