i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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