help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
