She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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