I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
