i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize