Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize