He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
