Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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