i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
