FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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