I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My bed smells like the plague
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