I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
