do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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