Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
