He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
as a side note pls kill me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
