I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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