she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I looked at my own cervix.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
