Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
