Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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