i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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