he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
false alarm, still single
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