i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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