so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
