If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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