so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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