he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
