I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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