her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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