Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
